Shame is a common feeling for women whether from expectations from society, family, partners, or social media. Seems we are always being told who, how, and what to be. Might be why we end up with diseases of the thyroid.
Shame can center around our bodies for sure, but might also be related to a failed relationship, parents, appearance, getting older, etc. Shame, guilt, embarrassment, and humiliation are used interchangeably but they are not the same thing.
My job is to understand if you are feeling any of these in addition to helping you figure out what to eat. Maybe you have shame around food. If I can understand this, I can be better equipped to offer the support you need. This isn’t just about changing your diet.
Shame, according to Brene Brown is “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.” We all experience it to some degree and you need to know it is never a productive thing.
Guilt is when you feel remorse due to an inaction or an action that you regret and doesn’t align with your values. For example, if you value your health but consistently reach for things in the cupboard that don’t support that value….. We’ve all been there. Guilt is uncomfortable, but can also be productive if you allow it to serve as a reminder of your values and prompt positive change.
Humiliation can occur when we are on the receiving end of a negative behavior like when someone doesn’t believe you are sick or dealing with fatigue or brain fog. This cuts deeper than being embarrassed which is more fleeting and becomes something we might laugh about later.
It is important your practitioner understand these feelings so they can show up for you. Motivation around eating right, and exercise is always changing. You will have motivational highs and lows which can be from life stress or something you just can’t explain. Maybe it’s a crappy day outside or the wrong time of year for you.
It’s okay.
If you are someone who is generally practicing more healthy habits you might feel guilty or have shame when you feel less motivated or ‘stick to the plan’. Maybe you don’t feel like you are worthy of success, or you are comparing yourself to someone else so you just don’t feel good enough.
We all have negative self talk which is often a result of internalized messages about the way we ‘should’ act, look, think or feel. The messages come from all over - TV, magazines, social media, society, family, or friends. Sometimes negativity feels motivating to push you to keep trying but it can also lead to unnecessary guilt, feelings of shame, and negative self talk.
We want to avoid this if we can.
When you share something vulnerable with me, I say thank you for sharing your experience with me. It can be hard to share feelings of guilt and shame. It makes us vulnerable. I appreciate that you trust me with this kind of information.
Know that it is okay to have these kinds of feelings. I’m here for you.
The feelings you are having are likely quite normal and you are not alone. Rest assured that others are going through what you are.
I will support you in whatever way is best for you. That might look like more guidance in consultations to help you determine your own needs. You can tell me specifically what you need from me.
Use me as the valuable resource that I am. I have a lot of knowledge and experience to share that will get you on your way to healthy. I want to help you feel involved in your healthcare so we work together to help you make decisions about what directions to go. This way we can remove guilt and shame from the equation.